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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797407">Despair</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukewasameme/pseuds/sasukewasameme'>sasukewasameme</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eren Angst [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angsty Eren Yeager, Broken Eren Yeager, Canon Compliant, Depressed Eren Yeager, Depression, Guilt, Hurt Eren Yeager, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Mystery, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Revenge, Rituals, Sad, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Eren Yeager, Suicidal Thoughts, Tragedy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:20:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasukewasameme/pseuds/sasukewasameme</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi Squad and Hange are kidnapped by a cult of Titan shifters. Eren is horrifically raped by the cult as part of a ritual. Will he be able to recover?</p><p>EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING!</p><p>The cult and illuminati esque elements largely come from Kuroshitsuji. I won't give out any spoilers but if you're a fan of Kuroshitsuji, you probably know what I'm talking about.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Eren Angst [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2031976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eren wakes up to a dark cellar, chained up. Where is he? What happened? He looks around the dark room. Captain Levi, Hange, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, and Sasha are all chained up too. Everyone has gags in their mouths, keeping them from talking. The single door to the right of the room opens and a man walks in. The man is short, probably in his 50s, and is fat and ugly. </p><p> </p><p>"Eren Yeager?" </p><p> </p><p>He directs his attention to Eren. He walks over to Eren and takes the gag out of his mouth. "You're much prettier than I thought you'd be. When I saw the pictures of how you looked when you were younger, I was honestly a bit disappointed. But, now that you're older, you're certainly one of the prettiest boys I've ever met."</p><p> </p><p>Eren shakes at the chains, pulling hard to no avail. "Let me go!" He yells into the man's face. The man doesn't hesitate to slap him for yelling. "Shut it or do you want to be gagged again?" Eren loudly clanks his chains, trying to free himself in retaliation.</p><p> </p><p>"I told you to shut the hell up!" He gets in Eren's face and shakes him out of anger, face red. Then, he yells out, seemingly to someone they can't see. "Come here! Get him out of his chains!" Three buff looking men walk into the dark room with guns in hand. </p><p> </p><p>These guns are strange looking though. They're smaller than the guns they have back at home and they're black. If these guns are as dangerous as the ones they have back at home, then they could easily get shot in the head and die so Eren decides he needs to stay on their good side.</p><p> </p><p>One of them points his gun at Eren's head while the others get Eren out of his chains. Eren falls to the ground when they unlock his chains, legs and arms stiff and weak. It hurts to move his limbs after they've been stuck in the same place for however long he's been here.</p><p> </p><p>"Get up," says the (assumed) leader of the kidnapping. Eren struggles to get up at first but eventually accomplishes it. The buff men all hold their guns pointed at Eren, threatening him to do whatever the kidnapping leader says. "Follow me," says the leader.</p><p> </p><p>Eren starts following the leader when he decides he has to come to a decision. This is the time he can take the kidnapping leader out. There might not be another chance. He thinks it through and then decides. He holds his arm up, ready to attack until he hears a muffled scream. </p><p> </p><p>He and the men turn around, facing Armin. Eren meets Armin's eyes and Armin very pointedly shakes his head, telling Eren not to take the man in front of him out. Armin was distracting the buff men with guns from seeing Eren about to touch the leader, saving his life. </p><p> </p><p>The men give a few cursing insults thrown Armin's way and push Eren forward with their guns. "Keep moving, kid." Eren stumbles a bit but does what he's told. The man leads Eren and the men with guns out of the room and down a darkened hallway. It's strange, Eren thinks. </p><p> </p><p>They don't need to keep the lights out. In fact, getting around would be easier if they kept them on. So why keep the lights out? The halls feel tight and they seem to go on forever. Then, after a few minutes of walking, they turn onto a hall with what looks to be candles lit at the end. </p><p> </p><p>When they reach the room, they walk inside and Eren is met with a strange scene. There's a black pentagram in the middle of the large room and there are also candles at each point. Completely red, bloody looking chairs sit around the circle of the pentagram. Eren doesn't know why they trust him with the candles.</p><p> </p><p>He feels the barrel of a gun on his back and knows the answer to that question; they trust him with the candles because they think he won't do anything stupid enough to get himself shot. "Sit in the middle of the pentagram," says the leader of the kidnappers. </p><p> </p><p>There are chains in the middle of the pentagram and when he sits in the middle of the pentagram, two of the buff men walk over to lock him up while one keeps his gun to Eren's head as a threat. "Sit cross legged," says the leader. Eren does exactly that and he tries thinking of any way he can escape without getting shot but every single plan he thinks of comes with too much risk.</p><p> </p><p>He's fully locked into the chains and he wants to hit himself. But the more he thinks about it, the less he regrets his choices because there's honestly nothing he could've done about it without getting shot. Eren can see it in their eyes. Armin noticed first but Eren has caught up. </p><p> </p><p>They have killer's intent in their eyes and they'll shoot Eren without a second's thought if he steps out of line and even though Eren being alive is important to them, they'll still shoot him. They're crazy and genuinely have no qualms with killing what's important. </p><p> </p><p>"Get the others," says the kidnapping leader. The buff men nod respectfully to the leader and leave the room. Eren feels his anger seep in when he faces the leader. "You can't just take all of us. We'll take you down! Do you know who we are? We're the Survey Corps! We'll beat your ass."</p><p> </p><p>He says these words in seething anger. The words seem to be for naught, though, as the man reacts by laughing of all things. This pisses Eren off even more. If he wasn't in chains, he'd be able to bite into his hand and turn into a Titan. He wishes he'd turned into a Titan when they let him out of his chains. </p><p> </p><p>But they had guns to his head so he wasn't going to risk getting shot. Bullets move faster than his mouth does. They'd shoot him before bringing his mouth anywhere near his hand, especially if they know he has the ability to turn into a Titan through biting himself. </p><p> </p><p>Time passes pretty quickly and Eren realizes he's nervous. He wants to know what's going to happen next because whatever it is, it doesn't sound like it's going to be good. The fact that he's sitting in the middle of a ritualistic pentagram already says that much.</p><p> </p><p>Footsteps are coming from the hall and he turns around to see the short silhouette of Captain Levi. His gag is gone and he looks very unhappy. The buff men chain Levi to the chair and then leave, going to get another. Levi tries rocking the chair but the chair appears to be nailed to the ground. There's nothing he can do.</p><p> </p><p>The men with guns bring everyone in one at a time, sitting and chaining them each in a chair around the pentagram. Finally, the kidnapper leader gets up and walks slowly around the members of the Survey Corps. "Come on! Just tell us what you're gonna do. Stop pacing around the room like an idiot!" Eren yells out.</p><p> </p><p>"Eren," Armin says, scared for his friend. When the man walks forward, almost threateningly, Mikasa tries to shake out of her chains until her arms are bruised but instead of the man hurting Eren, he laughs. He's crazy, thinks Eren. He voices his thoughts and the man only laughs harder.</p><p> </p><p>"Is it almost time?" He asks to any which of the men with guns who would reply. "Yes, sir," says one of them. "Five minutes, sir," says another. The leader nods once. Time passes by fast yet slowly as Eren waits for whatever that's going to happen, to happen. Seven minutes later, many footsteps are sounding down the hall and voices can be heard. </p><p> </p><p>The members of Levi Squad and Hange look to the door archway and Eren is confused when he sees something extremely shiny reflecting the light of the candles where someone's face should be and it sounds as if that someone is wearing high heels.</p><p> </p><p>When the faces of the people coming in become more visible, it becomes clear that they're wearing masquerade party clothes. The shiny thing on the woman's face is a black sequins mask and her clothes are entirely black and expensive looking. </p><p> </p><p>Next is a man wearing an expensive looking suit and a smooth back mask. The room fills with people in expensive, fancy clothing they've never seen before. The clothes and masks are intimidating looking. Just when it seems as if the room can't fit any more people, more come in. After half an hour, the gunmen shut the doors. </p><p> </p><p>There's pounding on the doors and crying and Eren wonders what'll happen that's so important that grown adults would cry over not getting in about. There's space between the chairs and the circle, and the people. The kidnapping leader stands at what Eren assumes is the front of the room.</p><p> </p><p>"Welcome, everyone. I'm glad you could make it." There's clawing at the doors. "For centuries, my family -the Manson Family - has been a large part of human shifting Titans. Today is a very special day. It's my turn to turn into a Titan and I wanted to share this special moment with you all."</p><p> </p><p>The crowd doesn't clap but instead gives strange, creepy smiles as if they're expecting something that benefits them to happen. Hange and  Captain Levi struggle hard against their chains. It takes Eren a minute to catch up but soon, he realizes what's gotten them so upset. </p><p> </p><p>The man is planning on turning into a Titan and then eating Eren. </p><p> </p><p>"As per tradition, we will take his innocence first." Innocence? What does he mean by that? Eren has an assumption in the back of his head about what it could mean but he swallows that assumption down, wanting anything but to believe it. </p><p> </p><p>Mikasa tries to break out of her chains so hard that she twists her wrist around in a strange position. But she's not done. Not until she saves Eren. This is a proven mistake, though, as she twists her wrist even more and breaks it with a loud snap. She cries out in pain but even still, she continues to try getting out of the chains.</p><p> </p><p>And the crowd stares at her as she twists and injures her wrist even further. Not only that but their eyes have gone wide, pupils so large that it's hard to tell what color of eyes they have. They seem to be enjoying it.</p><p> </p><p>"Mikasa! Stop! Breaking your wrists won't help Eren any." Armin yells out in pure anguish. "He's right," says Captain Levi. "How will you save Eren without hands to fight with?" She stops dead in her tracks and agony fills her eyes. This can't be happening. </p><p> </p><p>"Ας ψάλλουμε!" Yells out the leader. Eren doesn't understand what he's saying but he assumes it's nothing good because the room around him starts chanting strange ritualistic chants. The three buff gunmen move forward and put up their guns, focusing them on Eren's head. </p><p> </p><p>Eren feels fear because maybe he got the whole "taking his innocence" thing wrong and the leader meant death instead of... But, instead of getting shot, the leader walks inside the circle and kneels down in front of Eren. He takes Eren's face into his hands.</p><p> </p><p>Then, he kisses him. </p><p> </p><p>Eren tries pulling away but the chains keep him in place. He wishes more than anything that his hands weren't chained down. The older man pulls away and then kisses Eren again, this time adding tongue. Eren is confused and scared and humiliated. He tries looking around the room to see the expressions of his squad mates but it's hard when the man's face is blocking his view.</p><p> </p><p>Eren doesn't know why it matters so much to him but he wants to see if his friends and Captains are thinking he's disgusting and weak. Because he feels disgusting and weak. What if they think he's gross after this? Finally, the man pulls away. "Ah. The boy's lips are young and sweet." </p><p> </p><p>Eren wants to be anywhere but here. He looks down which turns out to be a major mistake. The man has a hard-on and he doesn't know how to deal with that. Should he ignore it and pretend he hasn't seen it? Would mentioning it provoke the man to want to show it off? </p><p> </p><p>The man looks at Eren. Sees him looking at his hard-on. And Eren looks away. The man smiles. "Are you curious?" Asks the man. Eren's face turns red from emberassment. No. He shakes his head. He most definitely does not want to see this man's penis.</p><p> </p><p>Eren tends to be very private when it comes to nudity and it took him a month at the least to get used to dressing around the other trainees when he was still training to become a Scout. The thought of seeing an older man and stranger's penis is very invasive to him. </p><p> </p><p>The man clearly doesn't care because he pulls his pants down but keeps his underwear on. Eren can see the outline of the man's penis and he looks away again, gasping at the sight he's seeing. The man's wrinkly hands grab his penis over the underwear and Eren thinks he may be older than originally thought.</p><p> </p><p>The man stands up and his penis is adjacent to Eren's face. Eren turns his head as far away as he can from it and leans back, legs and arms hurting from the stress he's putting on them. But the man moves forward until his penis with the underwear over it is rubbing on Eren's face.</p><p> </p><p>Eren seeks to find the eyes of his friends and Captain, looking to find any judgement or blame in them. All he finds is fear over how far the man will go, sadness from the whole situation, and violated from being forced to watch something so awful. Luckily, Eren finds no disgust yet. </p><p> </p><p>Eren feels something wet on his face and chances a glance at the man's underwear. It's cum. He isn't sure if it's precum or something else because he's as pure as a virgin gets. Sex has never been an interest in his life so today, he's learning more about sex than he ever knew before.</p><p> </p><p>The man seems done with rubbing his clothed penis on Eren's face and gets back on his knees. He wipes the wet, sticky cum from Eren's face before the cum can dry and kisses Eren on the lips again, invading his mouth with tongue. Eren feels something. He isn't sure what it is but it's akin to that of agony and hopelessness.</p><p> </p><p>The leader pulls away again and then kisses down Eren's neck before pulling up his shirt. Eren holds his arms tight to his sides, trying to prevent the shirt from coming up. But the man's arms are surprisingly strong and he wins the struggle. Eren bites his lip nervously, needing pain to get over this.</p><p> </p><p>He wishes he knew how to turn into a Titan just from biting his lip but he's not there yet. If only he'd trained harder, none of this would've happened. He looks up and sees how the people in expensive clothes are reacting but their reactions are covered by their masks.</p><p> </p><p>The man kissing down his neck pulls Eren so his body is leant backwards, showing off his abs and nipples. The man runs his hands up his abs and Eren's skin is extremely sensitive to the touch. He gasps a bit as he continues running his hands all over his front, avoiding his nipples.</p><p> </p><p>Then, the man can't take it anymore and puts his tongue to Eren's abs and runs it up to lap at Eren's left nipple. Eren let's out a small noise and quickly looks around to see if anyone heard him, hoping to the Walls that no one heard a thing. But from the expressions on everyone's faces, he gathers that they heard him.</p><p> </p><p>Mikasa looks worried sick, Captain Levi's face is darkened, Hange looks saddened, and the others looks like they're in shock, much similar to their expressions from their first time they had to fight the Titans. The man continues lapping at Eren's nipples and he gasps, shakes, and makes little noises here and there. </p><p> </p><p>Eren's starting to feel his own penis harden and his face turns completely pink from the embarassment. He looks around and tries to cover it but the man moves his hands away from his penis. He tries to cover himself again but the man is temperamental and, as a punishment, he hits him where his penis is.</p><p> </p><p>By the time the man gets to his other nipple, Eren's starting to feel like he's floating above his own mind, detached from his body yet feeling every touch at the same time. The man starts to move lower, letting go of Eren's reddened nipples for now. </p><p> </p><p>He undoes Eren's pants and pulls them down. The silhouette of his penis is shown for all of the world to see and he tries covering it once more but the man takes his arms and holds them down as he moves his head lower and lower until his mouth is on the outline of Eren's penis.</p><p> </p><p>He kisses his penis and then opens his mouth to rub his tongue over it. "Ngh," Eren makes some noise. He's never been touched this way and it's extremely sensitive. Then, the man pulls his underwear all the way down, revealing his pink, wanton penis. </p><p> </p><p>Eren tries putting his hands to cover his penis yet again only to regret it when the man slaps him in the face a couple of times and punches him the third time. "What did I tell you? No covering your penis!" He slaps him again and his left cheek is pink from all of the slapping.</p><p> </p><p>Eren puts his hands up as if to say, "I've learned my lesson. Please don't hurt me." The man forgives him but only this once. Then, he takes Eren's penis into his hand and puts the too half in his mouth. Eren groans sharply. He's never felt something this good before. </p><p> </p><p>He hates himself for it. He should die. He wants to die. Grief fills him. He can't believe this is happening. Then, all of a sudden, "Eren! You can make it through this!" It's Jean. He appreciates the help but he's not sure he can believe him. He might already be broken. Will he ever go to the bathroom the same again? Will he ever be able to touch his penis without feeling like a gross slut?</p><p> </p><p> He doesn't know. Eren pants as the man starts taking him deeper. He grabs the man's hair, unsure what he's doing with his own limbs. He feels the pleasure get stronger and stronger until he can't take it anymore and he's loudly panting. He isn't sure if normal cum will come out or if his cum is different than others so he cries out, "stop. I'm gonna - I'm gonna -" Something's going to come out, he wants to warn, but the man only continues even faster.</p><p> </p><p>Then, finally, the man stops and pulls off. And Eren honestly isn't sure if he's happy he pulled off of him or if he's disappointed because he didn't get to release. "You're such a slut. Damn," says the man and Eren feels that same feeling of agony and hopelessness from earlier. </p><p> </p><p>His mind has calmed down quite a bit and he realizes he willingly let the man suck him off. Encouraged him, even. He's disgusting. He hates himself. He's so gross and perverted. He feels tainted. Dirty. </p><p> </p><p>Then, the man takes his own underwear off and tries spreading Eren's legs. Eren is fearful and tries to keep them closed. The man kisses Eren's apparently sensitive thighs and then uses all of the strength he can muster to open his legs and gets between them the second he accomplishes opening them.</p><p> </p><p>Eren is in a predicament. On one hand, he feels like he should just give in and let the man do whatever he wants to him. On the other hand, he wants to savor what privacy he has left. Tears fall down his face and the agony and hopelessness takes over completely. </p><p> </p><p>He sobs out, sounding in pain. Sounding like tragedy has struck him and feeling like he's going to be permanently disabled. Soon, it becomes too late, though, to decide as the man is already in between his legs. Eren tells himself he likes it and that's why he let the man get in between his legs. He obviously wants more, he berates himself.</p><p> </p><p>The man puts his long and thick penis at Eren's anus and Eren doesn't think of it for some reason. Doesn't think of the pain. He's never heard of two men having sex, after all. He had no idea that the man's penis goes up his partner's anus. That said, when the man pushed in, he did not do so gently which was a huge, painful shock to Eren.</p><p> </p><p>The man just shoved his penis inside and started thrusting, not caring that he just tore Eren's insides. Blood becomes lube and Eren isn't sure he can actually handle this. He thinks he might die. He certainly feels enough pain to be close to death. The way the man goes from being moderately gentle to rough to the point of extreme bleeding  traumatized Eren.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Eren feels something deep inside him. Something pleasurable. It takes him by surprise and when the man hits it again, he can't help but make noise from the amount of pain that leaves him sitting still, begging the universe to make it stop while all the same wanting to be hit there again because it feels so good.</p><p> </p><p>But the pain wins over the pleasure and Eren decides he can't go on with pain this great, no matter how great the pleasure. "Stop," he begs, "It hurts." This causes the man to go even faster, purposely tearing his insides even more. "Shit," cries out Eren. Tears from the pain fall from his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>He hears people struggling against chains and the pain is so bad, he can't even comprehend that his friends and Captain are trying to get out of their chains to help. As the pain gets worse and worse and his insides absolutely burn, he starts becoming sleepy. He starts fading in and out of consciousness until he passes out, gasping for breath all the while trying to make his insides hurt less.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eren wakes up feeling pleasure in his penis and pain in his anus. He hears gasping and moaning and opens his eyes. What he sees shocks him majorly. A woman is riding his penis while two men are shoving their penises inside of him. It hurts. Really bad. And the whole room is surrounding him, having a giant orgy. </p><p> </p><p>"You've had your turn forever," yells out one lady. She pushes the girl on his penis off of him and puts it inside herself instead. Eren tries raising his hands to the girl but someone must've tightened his locks because his hands can't reach his penis anymore and so he can't shove her off. He has no choice but to take it.</p><p> </p><p>The woman keeps going until she cums all over his penis and the two men show no sign of stopping either. The next woman that sits on his penis is loud and Eren wants her to shut up. There's moaning everywhere around him and he wants it all to stop. He feels extreme pleasure and can't take it, it feels so good. </p><p> </p><p>The men fucking him is pushing him over the edge, as painful as it is. Eren starts moaning as if he's crying and then for the first time in his life, he releases and cums inside the woman. "Oh, yes!!" She cries out. "Give me your baby!" Then, Eren is panicking because he didn't want to get anyone pregnant. He doesn't think he can stand it if he becomes the father of a spawn created out of pain.</p><p> </p><p>But it doesn't stop there. The men keep fucking into him, making him cry from the sensitivity. The woman doesn't stop riding him either, refusing to stop until she cums. He ignorantly thinks that that's the end of it, when the three of them cum and are finished but then there's more. More men tearing into him and more women riding him. He can't make them stop. He can't. </p><p> </p><p>He sobs out. There's only so many overwhelming things he can take and he's way past his limit. His penis hardens again after 17 minutes and he cums inside another woman. Every time he cums inside a woman, he feels grief because he's not sure he'll ever be able to love his children, let alone know them. </p><p> </p><p>An hour passes and Eren is bleeding out badly again from another particularly rough guy. He passes out again. And wakes up in the same he'll he fell asleep in. There's cum covering every single inch of his body. He's literally a cum dumpster. Another two hours of agony and Eren doesn't care what anyone thinks anymore. </p><p> </p><p>He just wants it to stop and he'll do anything to make it stop. "How?" He gasps out. He swallows, watering his dry throat from sucking men's penises. "How do I make it stop?" He asks. He can't live like this forever. He doesn't know how much longer they're going to fuck him for but he's tired. He's so, so tired. </p><p> </p><p>He prays to God to save him. Hell, he even begs to the Great Walls like the stupid cultists back at home to save him. His prayers slowly turn from "please save me" to "please kill me." He decides he doesn't want to live anymore. He wants to die. He'll never ever recover form this, he figures, so he might as well die. </p><p> </p><p>"Three days. This ceremony will continue on for three days," says the leader of the rapists. Eren has nothing to say. Instead, he does what he can to survive. He pretends he isn't here and thinks of all of the good things in life.</p><p> </p><p>That was a bad idea, though, because he starts crying harder when he thinks of all of the happy things. Because he'll never be happy again. </p><p> </p><p>How long has it been? Eren wonders. He wants to take a shower and he's thirsty. His stomach is upset from being shaken around a lot on people's dicks. His body is tired and he eventually completely stops moving.</p><p> </p><p>How long has it been? </p><p> </p><p>Eren is beginning to have delusions. He imagines murdering every single person who fucked him.</p><p> </p><p>How long has it been?</p><p> </p><p>Eren's delusions are getting worse. He's starting to blame his friends and Captains. He doesn't have the energy to argue with that logic so he lets his mind whisper how little fingers into his head that point and blame.</p><p> </p><p>How much longer until this is over? </p><p> </p><p>Eren's penis feels as if all of the fucking is normal and it can take anything. His anus is in so much pain that it doesn't hurt anymore. He starts to laugh and cry just like he had when Hannes died, only this time, it's actually funny.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn't bother to ask how long it's been anymore.</p><p> </p><p>It feels like it's been a month. Maybe it has. Is he dreaming or is he still there, being raped by hundreds of people? The hours pass and Eren is staring off into space, disconnecting from his body as much as possible. </p><p> </p><p>Then, all of a sudden, there's ruckus. What's going on? Not that it matters. Then, everyone is running and screaming. "Give me the key!" Threatens a voice quite similar to that of Commander Erwin's. Eren's never heard the man so angry before. </p><p> </p><p>The room is emptied out after several minutes and the only ones left are Erwin's men, Levi Squad, and Hange. Erwin is about to ask what happened until he sees Eren covered in cum, blood, nude, and looking half dead. (Maybe he is half dead.) Erwin recognizes this kind of ritual from a book they discovered in Eren's dad's basement.</p><p> </p><p>He walks over to Levi and lets him out first. They all look as if they've been tortured for hours. He lets Eren out last. He saved him for last because he wanted to give him time to let the fact that it's all over sink in. It doesn't seem to sink in, though, because he doesn't move. He stays staring off into space and he's whispering something to himself.</p><p> </p><p>The soldiers collectively listen quietly. "Kill me. Kill me," says Eren. </p><p> </p><p>Mikasa hugs him and, immediately, he pushes her off of him, fear in his eyes. He stands up and leaps back, "don't touch me." He says it as if he's not in the present but rather in a dream world in the past. Then, as if the floods have been plugged, someone unplugs the sea, letting everyone's tears loose. </p><p> </p><p>They all (except Levi) cry for Eren for what happened to him and for themselves for what they're eye witnesses to. Hange and Levi try handling it maturely but if you were close to Levi, you'd see the horrors he's seen by the traumatized expression on his face and Hange fails at being mature and cries crushingly. </p><p> </p><p>Captain Levi hands Eren his cloak, and when Eren doesn't take it, he throws it onto him, covering him so he doesn't have to be nude anymore. Eren has this look in his eye. A look that says he's scared of the world and just wants to end it all. They can't help but wonder; will he ever be back to normal again?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Very triggering.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Eren sits in a wagon, laying down to heal, he doesn't care that he's half naked. He's been humiliated beyond humiliation and being half nude or fully nude won't hurt him. But anymore. There's nothing private about his body anymore. Captain Levi, Hange, Mikasa, and Armin sit around him. </p><p> </p><p>The unsaid concern that Eren will be unable to fight floats around their heads. He's their hope. Humanity's hope. A disabled Eren means a deathly fated race. They don't yet say  their thoughts, though, in fear of being insensitive. In fear of making Eren think they don't actually care and only see him as a tool.</p><p> </p><p>The ride home is solemn and the air is quite literally somber, the feeling bringing even the most emotionless down. Eren starts seeing buildings he recognizes and realizes they're already in town. He keeps spacing out and not knowing what's going on, fading in and out of reality.</p><p> </p><p>They reach their home and Eren is carried out of the wagon and when they get inside, he's set down in the bathroom. Eren shakily gets up and closes the door. He doesn't have much energy but he needs to take a shower. Needs to cleanse himself. </p><p> </p><p>He rubs every inch of his skin raw and it's soon been 4 hours since he entered the hot shower. But he's not clean yet. He's dirty. There's cum everywhere, even if he can no longer see it on his skin. It's there. It's there. It's everywhere. The water that drains down his body is dirtied; soiled and it fills the bottom of the shower, dirtying his feet.</p><p> </p><p>Eren only stops scrubbing when he's been scrubbing so much that his mind feels overwhelmed with scrubbing and he doesn't have the energy to argue with it. He steps out of the shower, gets dressed (since when had there been clothes in here?) and leaves the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>He walks to the living room, surprised he even has the ability to walk, and is met with several pairs of eyes. Everyone is sitting in the living room. "Eren." Mikasa gets up and runs to Eren. Fear fills his eyes. If she touches him, he'll become even more dirty. </p><p> </p><p>She stops in her tracks when she realizes Eren doesn't want to be hugged. A sort of sadness overcomes her at the fact that hugs will hurt him but there's nothing she can do about it so she stays standing, looking at him as he looks at her.</p><p> </p><p>Then, Eren drops to his knees.</p><p> </p><p>"What's wrong?" Mikasa reaches out again, instinctively going to protect him, but stops herself just in time. Eren shakes and takes in deep breaths, trying to breathe right. His body hurts too bad to stand and he's feeling sad and unstable. </p><p> </p><p>His face is wet and it's not from his wet hair. "Ahu." It's quiet. Everyone in the room is looking at him and he wishes they couldn't see him. He sniffs and then makes another choked noise. And then he makes a particularly loud, drawn out sob filled with agony. </p><p> </p><p>Once the tears come, they don't go. His face is soaked in his tears and he feels like he's still in the shower, being cleansed. His mood escalates very quickly and he puts his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth and one thing comes to mind: "I want to die."</p><p> </p><p>His pained sobs of absolute agony cry out for death and Mikasa drops to her knees next to him and begins to cry too. "I'm sorry, Eren. I couldn't do anything." Eren wants to tell her that he blames her for nothing but every time he opens his mouth, sobs come out instead.</p><p> </p><p>He feels his mind break and he knows that from this point onwards, he'll never be the same ever again. He won't forget this day, he tells himself. The day he changed. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eren stares at his ceiling, reliving the events of everything that happened to him over and over as his mind tries to process the trauma. He rolls over and closes his eyes, remembering in a more comfortable position. The emberassment is unimaginable. He feels humiliated.</p><p> </p><p>But it's okay. 'It's over and I'm safe in my bed,' he tells himself for the seventh time that day. It helps for several minutes until he's back to remembering. The door opens and Eren doesn't have the energy to turn around to see who it is. "Eren. I know you've been down and it's your choice but are you okay to train today?" </p><p> </p><p>Eren shakes his head, still not turning around. Levi is concerned about how the human race will survive without Eren around but he can't and won't force him to do anything. He gets up and leaves for the door. </p><p> </p><p>The next two days are the same. Eren stays in his room, too depressed to do anything. The third day is different though. No one knows why he comes out but he does. Initially, he says he is thristy and even though this isn't a lie, the full truth is that he thinks, why not come out?</p><p> </p><p>He's thirsty and he's admittedly gotten tired of staring at the same wall all day. He's ready for the next step in his life, he thinks. So, he gets up and leaves. He doesn't consider the consequences of leaving though. He doesn't consider how overwhelming the stares of other people will be, the fact that others will talk to him, or the fact that his body automatically repels human contact of any kind whether he wants it to or not.</p><p> </p><p>So, when he comes out, he doesn't know why but he starts feeling awful. Like a worse, sadder version of depression and anxiety mixed together. The corners of his mouth draw downwards as severe unhappiness takes over. His usually able to fake smile even when he's happy but he feels so terrible that the corners of his mouth are too heavy to lift into a smile. </p><p> </p><p>He turns to go back to his room but Armin grabs his hand without thinking. "Eren." Then, "I'm sorry" as he realizes what he's done. "I'm fi-" Eren jokes on his words and decides not to finish his sentence in fear of crying. He puts his head down while he walks, attempting to cover his face. In case he does cry, he doesn't want anyone to see it. And then he heads to his room.</p><p> </p><p>The feeling he feels has worsened by the time he gets to his room. Why does he have to feel so awful? He'll never leave his room again if it means having to experience this feeling. He lays on his side in his bed and tells himself he's safe but that doesn't help much.</p><p> </p><p>He decides that he needs to get to the root of the problem to feel better. Immediately, when he starts searching his mind for what's making him feel so awful, he remembers pushing against a man's hand on his penis. He feels terrible for that. </p><p> </p><p>And when he kicked a man in his penis. Was that sexual violence? Was he just as bad as the men and women who were raping him? He feels terrible. Surely everyone will hate him when they realize he's just as bad as those who hurt him. Did anyone else see him when he pushed into a man's hand? Did anyone see when he kicked a man in the penis?</p><p> </p><p>He feels so awful. Just then, a memory he'd blocked away comes up. It's vague and dreamlike but he knows it happened. He remembers that while he was struggling, he ended up flailing his arms and his hand accidentally touched a man's penis. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, God. He's really just as bad as them. He's also a... a... molester. Should he tell everyone? But they'll hate him. They might even want him dead. He remembers their faces when they saw what those people had done to him. They looked like they would murder them without hesitation. </p><p> </p><p>So, would they murder him? He has to keep this a secret. And that brings a heavy weight on his shoulders. He feels like this secret will crush him already. The terrible feeling that comes from it (is this guilt or depression?) is destroying him from the inside out.</p><p> </p><p>What if one of his abusers tells everyone about what he did? And then the processing of his emotions comes. And he wishes it hadn't. He wishes his emotions never processed. Because he hates himself more than he ever imagined one could.</p><p> </p><p>He thought he hated himself before but now... Now, he wants to commit murder. Self murder. He feels he deserves to die. (Or does he? Maybe he deserves to suffer forever instead.) Whatever bad thing that happens to him, he deserves it. </p><p> </p><p>He can't handle this. He wants to die. He wants to die. He cries, his sadness consuming him. He can't believe it. Who knew he was such an awful person? He thought he hated himself before but now, he knows the true definition of self hate. Will he ever get over this?</p><p> </p><p>He gets through the day barely. </p><p> </p><p>That night, he sleeps well but when he wakes up, the feeling comes back. He tries laying there with the feeling but he can't sit still with it. He twists and turns in his bed, struggling to deal with the guilt until he digs his nails into his skin hard, knowing that the pain will make the feeling easier to handle. </p><p> </p><p>And it does.</p><p> </p><p>The pain is a decent distraction. He still has the awful feeling but it's toned down by a lot. Okay, he thinks. He might be able to handle this. He just needs to take it one step at a time and hope the pain is enough. He lays back down, thinking he'll be fine because of the pain.</p><p> </p><p>After several minutes of laying down, though, the memories become clear images in his mind and he can't handle it. He can't lay here anymore. Not if he wants to survive without killing himself. He needs to distract himself. Alright, he decides. He'll train.</p><p> </p><p>He leaves his room, entering the place that started all of this and going to the dining room. "Eren," Captain Levi says. "Are you going to train today?" Eren sits down and nods. Levi notices Eren seems extremely troubled and figures it has to do with the extremely traumatizing experience that happened to him.</p><p> </p><p>Eren's eyes look heavy, dark, and sad. He looks around the world with a dark filter over his eyes. He sees everything as if all of the good has been drained from the world. Then, he realizes that it's the other way around. The good hasn't drained from the world; it's been drianed from him.</p><p> </p><p>He starts to feel awful again and hopes everyone will be done eating their breakfast soon so they can get to training already. Five minutes feels like 20 and Eren can't handle it. He brings his arm under the table and then puts his hand to his arm. He digs his sharp nails into his arm and they leave four small scratches across his arm. It's almost not enough. </p><p> </p><p>The cuts aren't near deep enough to bleed but it'll be fine. Finally, everyone is finished eating. Captain Levi tells Eren to follow him when he directs the others to train on the training grounds. They meet up with Hange, who is more excited than ever. She knows what Eren's being here means.</p><p> </p><p>"Ready to train, Eren?" When he gives a less than enthusiastic response, a looks of sadness crosses her face. Will things ever go back to normal? She wonders. Just because she's able to pretend that nothing bad happened doesn't mean everyone else is.</p><p> </p><p>Eren's training is usually done with positive thoughts on mind. Today, he trains with one goal and one goal only: to hurt. He's able to turn into a Titan without pain now so if he wants to hurt without being suspicious, he needs to hurt by himself. He also knows how to get hurt without healing.</p><p> </p><p>He still needs to practice hardening, though, so that's what he does. For hours on end, he focuses all of his attention on hardening. Every time a negative thought comes up, he focuses on hardening even more. He pushes himself to the edge, refusing to stop even when he feels blood coming from his pores. </p><p> </p><p>"Eren. That's enough," Levi calls out. But Eren doesn't listen and so Levi has to cut him out of his Titan. Eren is tired to the point of collapse and the Captain has to carry him to the house. Even though the training was much more intense than ever, Eren got twice as much done than usual. </p><p> </p><p>Eren wakes up with a bloody nose and a headache several hours later. He doesn't feel good but it's a great distraction from his paranoid, guilty thoughts. When he finds his mind complaining about the pain, he reminds it that he deserves this and much more. </p><p> </p><p>Feeling unwell us the best distraction he's felt from the memories and guilt than anything else so far. But it doesn't last long and he soon finds himself rolling his left sleeve up and scratching at his arm with his nails. No matter how hard he presses, though, his nails aren't sharp enough to make him bleed.</p><p> </p><p>He takes out his small sharpened blade meant for cutting Titan flesh in case his gear ever breaks and puts it to his arm. The thoughts of guilt come to his mind and tears come to his eyes. He's such a terrible person and he hates himself. He lets out a small sob.</p><p> </p><p>Then, he puts the blade closer to his arm and presses down. It hurts but it's most definitely not the worst pain he's ever felt and it's certainly not as painful as the pain he feels from his guilt and sadness. He deserves this. Then, anger comes. He deserves this more than anyone else in this world. He'll, he deserves to die. </p><p> </p><p>But it's not time for him to punish himself with death yet. That's for another day. Instead, he decides to punish himself by cutting himself until he can't anymore. So, he cuts himself, cut after cut, cut over cut, and cut beside cut until small cuts litter his arm and blood is flowing constantly. </p><p> </p><p>He deserves this. </p><p> </p><p>And he's satisfied. Blood drips to the floor beside his bed where no one could see it unless they walked to the other side of his bed. He rolls down his sleeve and lays down on his bed. Every time thoughts that make him what to die come to his mind, he scratches his cuts, causing them to hurt while some of them bleed.</p><p> </p><p>He goes back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>The next three days are a repeat. He trains until he bleeds, progresses more on Hardening his skin, and gets carried home, only to be woken up later with a terrible feeling that causes him to cut himself. He doesn't know why he doesn't heal his cuts. He just doesn't.</p><p> </p><p>He finds himself collecting sharp items he finds throughout the house to try to cut himself with. Nothing is near as sharp as his Titan knife though. He doesn't know why but whenever someone touches him, he feels even worse guilt. (Is it shame he's feeling Instead of guilt? What's the difference?)</p><p> </p><p>Everyone is gentle with him. Even Jean. It's like they think one little thing will break him. But when he thinks about it, he decides that maybe they're right. Maybe he should be thankful but it honestly hurts that they treat him differently. </p><p> </p><p>When Eren walks into the kitchen, his shoulder rubs against Jean's  and he knows he'll have to scrub himself extra hard in that area when he takes a shower later, even though he's wearing a jacket. He thinks it's as simple as that but for some reason, his mind wants to make a big deal about it.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry," says Jean carefully. Eren accepts his apology but it's hard to believe him when he's spaced out looking like he's in a completely different universe. (Because he's dirty, he's dirty, and he's dirty.) He feels disgusting. (A slut. A whore.) He remembers being held down by his arms and fucked like an animal by a beast. </p><p> </p><p>And then he hates himself even more because he's just as bad as his abusers. He shouldn't feel sorry for himself. In fact, he deserves what happened to him and much more. But he can't get over the fact that he's dirty because he's been touched and will he ever be clean again?</p><p> </p><p>That night, he scrubs and scrubs where Jean touched him. It's not that Jean's dirty. It's that any touch brings taintedness, regardless of who does it. The only reason he's able to survive Levi's touch is because he's asleep when he touches him so he can convince himself it never happened.</p><p> </p><p>He ends up scrubbing for two hours and the next day, he wakes up with a burn from rubbing his skin so much. He's starting to be unable to handle it. Images of being raped and images of accidentally touching someone's penis fill his mind. As the day goes on, there's nothing he can do to make it better. Even self-harm only gives release for several minutes. </p><p> </p><p>Eren drags his body around all day, forcing himself to move. But eventually he collapses. "What's wrong, Eren? Get up," says Captain Levi. But Eren can't. He digs his face into the grass, hoping a poisonous spiders will bite him. If life is lucky, it'll be a fast death. If life is fair, it'll be a slow death. </p><p> </p><p>Levi takes his arm and tries to drag him to his feet. Then, after a second thought, he softly drops Eren to the ground. "Eren. You're so close to succeeding the practice of Hardening. I hate to do this to you but we need you, Eren. We need you to save humanity.""</p><p> </p><p>Humanity. What did humanity ever do to help him, he asks himself. Nothing, his mind answers. He thinks about Mikasa and Armin and everyone else. He cares about them but he could also leave them if he needed to. Was he like this before? Or has he changed? Does he care about time as much as he used to or are things different now.</p><p> </p><p>After a minute, he decides that he does indeed care about them as much as he used to. It's just that things are different now and even though he cares about everyone, he could still leave them by killing himself. But he doesn't know how he'd do with strangers. Especially strangers with masks. No, he thinks. He doesn't want to see images of people in masks. </p><p> </p><p>He won't do well with strangers in masks, let alone friends in masks after all. "Just let me stay here," he says slowly. "I don't think I can.." The Captain sighs and sits down next to Eren. "What do you think of humanity right now? Do you think they deserve to live anymore?"</p><p> </p><p>And Eren thinks about it. Because even though he wants to deny that that's what he thinks, the truth is that he might actually think that. He knows for a fact that he think he, himself deserves to die but what about everyone else? </p><p> </p><p>After a while of deep thinking, he comes to the conclusion that he does think humans deserve to die. A choked cry makes its way out of his throat. What's happened to him? Those he's sworn to protect are those whom he wants to disappear. </p><p> </p><p>He sits up and puts his hands to his face, covering it. He sobs into his hands. He wants himself to shut up. He needs to stop crying all the time. But the ritual has made him so goddamn emotional. He expects Levi to say something about how he has to report this to Commander Erwin but instead, he just sits there and lets Eren cry himself out.</p><p> </p><p>"You know, I think the same." </p><p> </p><p>But I guess we'll just have to deal with it, won't we?" After several minutes, Eren stops crying as hard. At least he's not fully alone in this. And he feels fine enough to train. </p><p> </p><p>Once training is over, he doesn't pass out for once. But he's still too tired to do anything other than walk. When he gets to his room, he figures he's a piece of shit who deserves to die and his thoughts consume him. Okay, he decides. I'll kill myself in two weeks if I don't feel better.</p><p> </p><p>He really, genuinely can't handle this anymore. He'd rather die. Not only that but he's starting to be a homicidal piece of shit too which only makes him more deserving of death. He hates himself. So much. And nothing is helping. </p><p> </p><p>Instead of cutting himself, he takes a few sleeping pills. He doesn't feel terrible when he's asleep. Sleep is the only thing keeping him alive right now. So, that's what he does. For the next two weeks, he sleeps and sleeps and when he's awake, he's cutting himself or training. </p><p> </p><p>When the two weeks pass, Eren is absolutely littered in cuts and he's almost perfected Hardening. He's taken his time from the weeks to come up with the perfect suicide method. Ultimately, he decides he'll cut his arms and take a bath. There, he'll bleed out to death. Nothing's changed. Nothing's gotten better. Tonight, he decides.</p><p> </p><p>Tonight, he'll commit suicide.</p><p> </p><p>So when everyone is asleep, he gets in the bath with pants on, fills the tub with hot water, and cuts deep into his wrists. He's purposely left his wrists alone the past few weeks so he'd have a place to cut deep enough to die. These cuts are particularly painful and he can see the fatty muscle of his flesh cut open. </p><p> </p><p>The water sucks the blood out of his wrists and after a few hours, he starts feeling light-headed. He hadn't anticipated how long this would take and ends up giving himself two more deep cuts to fasten the process. Two more hours later, he starts feeling dehydrated and moving makes him even more light-headed. </p><p> </p><p>The only problem is it's 6:37 AM and everyone wakes up at 7. Will he die before they find him? All that's on his mind is how much he wants to die. Nothing else matters right now. Because he'll be dead soon and nothing matters to a dead man. He starts feeling light-headed without moving and he's seeing black dots everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>He's getting a really bad headache and his body is heavy. He hears a door open in the distance and after several minutes, he hears someone walk into his room. Then, someone walks to the bathroom door and shakes the doorknob.</p><p> </p><p>"I knew it," comes Armin's panicked voice. "Captain!" He yells out. He pounds on the door to he bathroom. But Eren wouldn't answer it, even if he could. Someone walks in and Eren doesn't have to wonder who it is for long because he knocks the door down.</p><p> </p><p>"Shit!" </p><p> </p><p>Levi runs to the bathtub filled with cool water and puts his hands to Eren's wrists. But it's not enough. He only has two hands and there's four cuts still bleeding out that he can't cover. "Get some cloth," he tells Armin. But Armin's already on it, running to the bathroom with towels in hand. </p><p> </p><p>They lift Eren's arms and wrap them in the white towels before lifting Eren out of the bathtub. The red blood bleeds through the white towels almost aesthetically. Eren is awake but out of it, his eyes looking around, brain trying to catch up to what's going on. </p><p> </p><p>They pull Eren out if the bathroom and when Jean enters Eren's room and sees Eren with his arms covered top to bottom in cuts, he quickly runs over to help. "Jean!" Calls out Captain Levi. "Go get Hange," he quickly orders. Jean stands up straight. "Yes, sir!" And goes to get Hange. </p><p> </p><p>Levi and Armin carry Eren to his bed and in doing so, the towels fall off.  They set him on his bed gently and wrap him in the towels again. "What do we do now, sir?" Armin asks. Usually, he'd know what's best to do but he's panicking and he's not in his right mind. "We wait for Hange." </p><p> </p><p>Hange comes quickly. "Oh, dear," she says when she sees Eren. She brought sutures with her and a needle. She stitches him up as fats as she can while still being thorough and careful. She had a sad look on her face mirroring that of everyone else's in the room.</p><p> </p><p>"Does anyone know why this happened?" She asks, even though everyone knows exactly why this happened. Because he was severely sexually abused. No one could take what Eren has to deal with. It's a wonder he's still alive through all of this. </p><p> </p><p>Eren's mind starts clearing ten minutes later and the only reason he's still spaced out is because his sadness puts him in a depressive state. He wishes he died. He wishes he died. He sits up. Levi readies himself for in case Eren collapses. But he doesn't. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, he pulls the towels off of his severely sore gashes on his arms. "Why didn't you let me die?" And there's no sadness in his voice. He just sounds tired. And numb. He looks up at Armin, then Levi with dead eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Eren," says Hange. "You're important to the human race. And Eren wants to scream. "That's all? That's why you're making me live? For the happiness of everyone else?" Then, he turns to Eren and, without really thinking, punches his friend in the face.</p><p> </p><p>Then, he sits on his legs so he can't get away and punches him even more. That's when the tears start to come. "Why did you make me live? Do you even understand why I'm doing this? Do you know why? I have to die, Armin. I have to. I can't live like this anymore!" He goes to punch Armin again but his arm is grabbed by Levi. </p><p> </p><p>"Eren. Look. I know you want to die but-" "Do you really? Because if you knew, you'd let me die." They assume this means that they know what happened to him so, logically, they should let him die to be put of his misery. But that's not what he's talking about.</p><p> </p><p>He gets up off of Armin and sits there silently, waiting for the shock of everything that's happened to catch up to him. When the shock passes over and he's mostly processed everything, he feels great grief. This might've been his last chance to kill himself in a long time.</p><p> </p><p>Now, they might take his blade away and watch him at most times to make sure he won't commit suicide. This is awful, he thinks. He can't believe he messed up so bad. "Why don't you get some sleep? We'll take turns watching over you," says Levi.</p><p> </p><p>Eren doesn't have an excuse not to so he vehemently agrees. Levi goes first, keeping watch of him carefully. Eren falls asleep faster than he expected. (He must be tired.) And dreams of masks and hands.</p><p> </p><p>Eren wakes up several hours later and both Hange and Levi are in his room. "Did you often have night terrors when you were younger, Eren?" Eren rarely got nightmares when he was younger so he shakes his head. "No." </p><p> </p><p>"Interesting," says Hange. "Because you seem to be getting them now." No one says why they think he's getting night terrors because it's pretty obvious but it's still an interesting new characteristic he's taken on. "Why what was I saying?"</p><p> </p><p>Levi walks to the side of his bed and sits down, letting Hange deal with what she started. "You asked people to leave you alone. And you moved around a lot in your sleep." Eren nods. He must've been dreaming of what had happened to him. </p><p> </p><p>His arms hurt and his head feels heavy. He can't believe he didn't succeed in committing suicide. "Eren," says Hange. "It's over. Everything that happened to you. It's all over." And Eren feels assurance that he didn't know he needed. He nods slowly. </p><p> </p><p>He knows everyone is just trying to help but the more they talk about everything, the more "triggered" he gets. He wants to die still but he'll obviously have to stick around until he's convinced them he feels better.</p><p> </p><p>The next few days pass uneventfully. Everyone takes turns "babysitting" Eren and he feels like he's such a burden. In fact, he bets that that's what everyone else is thinking. They're just not saying it because he's suicidal and they don't want to be blamed for his suicide.</p><p> </p><p>The fourth day comes and Levi suspiciously calls everyone for details on a mission. Everyone except Eren, that is. And not knowing is killing him. He's always been pretty impatient but since he wasn't invited, he assumes it has to do with him which makes him even more impatient.</p><p> </p><p>He lets it go for now and goes back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Levi returns from Erwin's office with news. Bad news. You see, there's bad news and then there's terrible news. Today's news is terrible. He gathers everyone around except Eren and explains what's happening. "We found out who the masked people are." </p><p> </p><p>"What?" Multiple sounds of surprise make their way around the room. Levi sighs. "The system is shittier than we thought it was." "What do you mean?" Asks Mikasa. All she wants us revenge on whoever did this to Eren. "Calm down. We need to come up with a plan first," Levi says, seeing the murderous glint in Mikasa's eye.</p><p> </p><p>After she calms down, he continues. "You have to know that who we're dealing with won't be easy to take down." They nod. He takes a deep breath. "Alright. The ones who did this to Eren," everyone listens intently, as if their lives depend on it.</p><p> </p><p>"Are the King and the nobles."</p>
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